Legend of Link (AKA Link Section Number Three)

(Continued from Part Deux)

The best thing about any and all video games is their ability to evolve not only in their respective concepts, but also in their own characters and places. LoL is no exception.  As I mentioned before, tentacled rock-spitting squids have been turned to quadruped rock-spitting pig... things, screwing up with gaming's most recurring minion.

However, we did notice that cool yet hard-as-brass-balls enemy that is not a boss. His name is the Darknut.

This is the only thing that can own a fey elf dressed in green...

Probably one of the few enemies in the Zelda series to resemble a human (Ganondorf's out of the question. He is a villain, there's a difference) the Darknut is essentially everything Link is not, in terms of combat. While our hero is quick and has a few sword techniques that require rolling around and somersaulting, this hulking suit of armor rams into his opponent with his shield before swinging his weapon in a large arc (or in the case of the 2-D games, thrusts his weapon 5 ft. forward)

It seems nothing can top this:

Oh wait:

At 0:17 stuff gets real.

Meet the 21st-Century-Darknut, the most badass enemy in the history of Nintendo video games. See that double-edged T-like sword? That was Ganondorf's unused sword in the Ocarina of Time artwork, that one that looked badass in Ganondorf's profile.

Get a Facebook, man. You kill it with your profile pics.

This hints to the possibility that Ganondorf himself may be a Darknut. And the dots connect themselves.

That Darknut I showed up there, however, is only a flashback of one (the battle against that particular Darknut takes place in the Temple of Time, which is basically a time machine made from stone) And let's remember that the Darknut is not a boss nor a mini-boss. Hell no, this guy's descendants come back to torment you, and evolution makes them tougher than you can ever imagine. And to top it off, every time you encounter them, they play two versus one.

Hey, Jimmy, I got him!! I GOT HIM!!

In case you wondered: no, the "Chance" strike you get with Ganondorf's final battle does not apply to these guys, no matter how inspiring that artwork may be. Yep, totally unfair.

Speaking of evolution, on the other hand, there are some things in the series that don't make any sense (I'm using this phrase loosely here, recalling that Nintendo gave up on making sense right after a certain plumber showed up)

Seriously, some things just seem impossible, even in a world where the only invincible living being is your horse. Take, of all people, Ganondorf. His race, called the Gerudo, is the Hyrule equivalent to the Greek Amazons. Yes, you read that right: the game's most recurring villain comes from a feminist, anti-man race of women from the desert.

Well, sort of. Gerudo traditions call for a man being born every century, and that man is destined to lead the Gerudo tribe. Dude generations a hundred years apart can only mean one of three things:

1. Gerudo men consist of both longevity and never-ending fertility.
2. Lesbianism between Gerudo tribeswomen actually makes them conceive children.
3. The Gerudo reproduce asexually.

I stick with #3 because it explains why all the Gerudo look almost exactly the same. Or am I being racist?

I just pissed off Ganondorf's girlfriend.

Whatever.

Well, now that were into races, let's see...

• Hylian: Obvious reference to Hyrule/Hylia. Normal people with pointed ears [see: Link]
• Kokiri/Korok/Deku: Forest people. More like forest children, actually.
• Goron: Part-sumo-wrestlers, part-demolisher. They also have a ridiculously wasteful habit of digging up and eating diamonds.
• Zora: Fishmen. They are also in shape, even at a toddler's age.
• Gerudo: see above
• Sheikah: Wait, the transgender ninja is a race?!

That's Hyrule's races in a nutshell. Of course, I'm omitting a few unimportant races, 'cuz the ones I just mentioned were either very important to the plot or otherwise very common throughout the series.

For those keeping track, I'm going to state the obvious by confessing that I am a huge fan of Zelda and Link. I grew up with a lot of the olden games (you have my Dad to thank for my first Zelda game) and even though my range of play is limited (Besides owning two emulators in my PC, all I have is a Gamecube and a Gameboy Advance) I have played the first six Zelda games as well as the 10th and the 14th ones.

My point is that, despite my own limitations (which are, well... a LOT) I'm a hardcore Zelda fan, with this being my fifth post writing about said game. To me, Link is the face of Nintendo.

ZELDA FOREVER