Why Zelda Is Secretly Boring (PART II)

Continued from PART I:

I really hate to pick on such an epic classic from Nintendo, but it just happens that, sooner or later, you jump out to the real world after experiencing the effectiveness of a blue shirt underwater. Even though...

Courtesy of AwkwardZombie.com

Well, it figures...

One thing is to immortalize an enemy. Making it appear on EVERY single of your games as a minion is a completely different story. Take these little guys for example:

Octoroks.

They were possibly every Zelda fan's first minion when they first started their little Zelda fan playing and other Zelda fan stuff. It's probably something a first-grader can draw when you tell him/her the word octorok. I mean, look at the Octorok from the NES Zelda Manual:

Now look at the sprite (the one that appears in-game):

Now clearly this was a time where graphics were Nintendo's least of issues, which explains a lot about a guy who sports a mustache as an excuse against mouth rendering. But still, I can do the artist's rendering in MS Paint. And it's nothing like THAT.

Ironically, since videogames are for machos and manuals just aren't, people thought that Octoroks were turtle-like cephalopodia with an anteater snout and, guess what? Nintendo used that description on later games, which means the contemporary Octorok looks like this:

This represents the power of fan-art.

There's also the classic Ganon-spawns commonly known as Moblins.

Obviously, if there's any villain in Nintendo who follows a code, they know they have to recruit a single minion or a sect of minions that look like their own mini-me's.

Kinda leaves you wondering how Dr. Evil's contract with Nintendo was lost...

 

This little rule is followed by Bowser who has his own Koopas, Ganon and his Moblins, Nightmare and Dark Matter, King K. Rool, and some others. But, oh Zelda, when Ganon is gone from the plotline itself, there are still a few scattered Moblins arou-- wait, no: they're ALL over the friggin place. Even in Minish Cap, where the villain is a midget Emo wizard.

Also, he's a crybaby when he doesn't find his treasure.

Well, that's about it... for now. Maybe I'll pick on some other game series, probably one where there are so many subtle flaws that you start thinking that you're in Dreamland...

 ...probably not his side of Dreamland